I've lost my motivation... my hope~~~

I've lost my motivation... my hope~~~

Life's really a drag now... wonder why, wonder how... that my inspiration to mug and work hard has all seeped out of me... I just can't find the motivation to work like I used to and I'm afraid of getting negative feelings about me... about how I'm slacking and nuah-ing... but I really didn't want that to happen... cross my heart~~~

Maybe it's the Christmasy feeling - the feeling of holidays or maybe it's just me... haha~~~ that's how we all are, finding excuses for ourselves. Nice music... feeling much more comfortable and soothed now... haven't really been touching my beloved piano for ages and I really miss the old me... where there's no troubles, day-in-day-out with my loving black-and-white and with my little doggie at my feet. But gone was the dog and also 'me'... and after that incident at DnD, I really doesn't have much courage or confidence to pick it up again, even though I have sworn that I want a diploma and also, to go to music school. Is it all still possible? are my dreams still still there, waiting for me to catch them, to reach out to? Or are they slowly slipping, hiding and escaping? It all just take me and me, but somehow I just don't have the courage to reach out~~~

Can I have a moment to stone? to watch people walking by? or even just to put down my heavy lappie? Sorry to say this, but I really feel quite tired lugging you around with me... my arms are aching and my bag is protesting~~~ BUT please, please don't fail on me againz ok? ok ok ok???

Guess what? think I've been looking at myself for too long until I'm getting to like pandas! Haha! they look so cute with their black circles (though I don't wish to look exactly like them... I prefer... to be a panda with white circles! ahhha! or preferably clear ones! HooRAY~)

Argh~~~ feeling sleepy again le... I go KO le... tatz~