I hate the new 'ME'!

I hate the new 'ME'!

I hate the new 'ME'! I really do! I hate how she's crying, how she's simply unreasonable, how sour and bitter she is, how easily irritated she gets and how sad she feels... where's the joy that she once felt? the happiness? the looking forward to anticipation and the optimism that seems to have elude all away from her... happiness is a choice, but somehow or other, she just is unable to pick it up... even when she tried to pick it up, someone or something will just snatch it away from her... just like the crow snatching away precious gems and valuables on sight in the TVB drama, "War and Beauty".

I know that I've told myself that it's stupid to cry and that I have vowed to be strong and not to cry when I was in Primary 4, but I've broke the vow, by crying and for crying umpteen times. I want to stop it, stop this vicious cycle. Crying's good, it helps to keep the eyes moist and to wash out any dust or dirt particles there... but that is 'tearing' not 'crying'. I really wish to stop crying. I hate this weakling act of mine... and I hate the feeling of self-pity. I do not want to be pitied. Get up! Get up! You must learn to pick up yourself when you have fallen. If you can't even help yourself, nobody can and nobody will! I know that and I also know the very step that I must take to stop this... but this little step is so heavy, it really weighs a ton... lifting up is tough but I know that once you've stepped down, it's really a relief...