sick... can't sleep...in the end... woke up...

sick... can't sleep...in the end... woke up...

I just knew it... that something's wrong when I felt acute periodic pain on Monday morning... and I just knew it when I saw my bleak, skin in the mirror the next day... I'm sick!

It seems like I kept having a tendency to fall ill since I've started working... call it an allergy to work? perhaps so... or it could just be plain lack of rest... When I was studying, the least I can do to compensate for sleeping at 4plus in the morning every other day is me devoting all my weekends to the Sleeping God, praying hard and giving him my utmost attention... but now, I hardly have the time nor chance to visit him and now, he's actually angry about it, by sending his loving companion, Sickly God to me...

and yah, it did not miss anything if you see the time of the post stating 4.54am. Yupz! It's me doing the typing and me that's still up... erm, not because I'm doing work and not sleeping (well, I did do my work, but felt too sick to continue and went off to bed...) but it's coz my nose is giving me the jolts outta bed... I simply can't breathe! and perhaps I slept a little too early than my usual time and I'm feeling a little outta sorts... and AM eating now, all sorts of rubbish whatever you name!

and just saw my old hall friend online (well, old for me but he's still staying in hall now~~~) doing his tutorial and assignments and I really feel like shouting out, I REALLY MISS MY HALL LIFE IN SCHOOL! The paparazzi that kept lining up the corridor... the frequent dinner/supper cooking outside the room... blasting my music up and hearing retro mania booming from the room downstairs... flying down to steal people's ice-cream when I'm unhappy... and so many other stuff! and my neighbours getting high on beer and climbed outta the window to sit on the ledge and macham like mambo night, dancing in the room... there are so many things that I really missed... Hey, get a life you say? well, who wouldn't want to, but somehow or other, working life really shucks and there really doesn't seem to be an end of it...

When you are schooling, you know exactly where you are heading towards and bound for. You know what comes after Primary school, Secondary and JC, but you never know what's lies beyond the bend when it comes to work. Work's like a long journey, there could be ups, there could be downs, but it really is an ardous path that just wears out everyone... and the journey just become harder and harder coz you age with every single step... and you know how it's like to be old... you need support, a walking cane just so that you can continue walking...

What is it about working life anyway? Slogging your guts out for something that's not really to your liking... Find something that you like? ya, as if that's possible with the high standard of living nowadays, you're just about getting less for more. Quit if you doesn't like it - that's always easier said than done. If I'm in other countries, perhaps that's possible, coz I would be given no-job-pension but over here, no job means no money, and no money means hunger, and hunger just means death. EH, I sounds very pessimistic rite? Heeheez, I think so too... especially when I started going to uni, dunno what gotten into me, but the optimistic ME just seems to have been won over the hidden pessimistic ME.

I really hate the pessimistic ME now. It just doesn't feel right, nor does it feel like ME. Can I find back myself? Can I just be the happy-go-lucky, cheerful ME? Things just seem to get harder when you grow older and start to know more about LIFE. I thought that I've already matured beyond my years when I was Primary 4 and knowing that the world is not just you alone, but encompasses many others and that whatever we do are all linked together. That's when I started doing things so that people will be happy. I don't mind if I'm the one to suffer just as long as people around you are happy. But now, such a thinking is just plain naive. People don't really appreciate what you do for them. Man are forgetful, they tend to forget about many other goodness they receive or the things that people do for them. All they every know is about all the bad things that could ever happen to them. That's how human beings are - they just take things for granted and they bear a grudge. Me too, coz I'm only human. But I tend to forget about things easily coz I've got a super bad memory. Maybe I'm aging too fast too coz I really do see things like a philosoper does. Perhaps I can write a little book on my own to talk about life, and doing things. Hahaz! Just kidding, I wouldn't want to find out about the truth, that my book's not the Earth's No. 1 selling and neither do I want to learn about the truth that hey, no one's buying, not even a single publish!

Awww~~~ it's late le or should it have been early coz it's 6plus in the morning le... but I've also decided that I really am taking a break tomorrow coz I really can't concentrate on working with the nose running around and that I've gotta chase it back! Running's really a bit tiring now that I seldom have the time to exercise... poor stamina! *phatz*

Ok, really need to give Sleeping God a visit and to apologize for my most unendearing behaviour of not keeping in contact with him. Nitez folks! till then bahz!

[my back aches, my back aches~~~ and I'm tired tired tired~~~]